Living Anew

"In the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself."

-The Weepies

One of my dearest friends has asked me to write, so write I will on this beautiful, sunny Valentine's Day. As I look out my window at the feet of snow on the ground, a small bird is flying around. I'm always surprised to see wildlife in this frozen tundra, yet have awoken to squirrels, birds, and, once, two deer scampering past my window. 

Known to most people, but not everyone, I live in Minnesota now. I moved to Minneapolis in November and it has been one of the most rewarding decisions ever. With an amazing friend putting me up in her house, two editorial internships at nonprofit publishers (one completed, one underway), a best friend 15 minutes down the road, a boy, and a small semblance of a community, I am finally finding some peace amid so much chaos.

There is anxiety, too, namely about the unknown (as always). I find myself following the advice of an aunt with whom I had a conversation several months ago about God's will. So many people are obsessed with "following" God's will and being paralyzed in how they will respond in situations, or in their decisions as they hope to make the right one. But what if following God's will isn't about throwing ourselves in one direction? What if it is, as my aunt said, leaning into Him for strength, allowing that strength to sustain us in whatever direction life goes? I don't know. It's certainly food for thought, and it has helped me look past my fears to see that God totally has me.

Once again, I have no idea where I will be four months from now. It is a daunting thought. I find, more and more, my rootlessness inhibiting me from growing. Three months at L'Abri can do that to a person: see the frustration in an existence that isn't tied to anything or anyone. I don't know that I want to continue to live like that. So with a new environment in tow (three months strong), I hope to make something of this place.