World Spins Madly On

I like that music has the ability to conjure up a whole host of memories with just one note, one chord, one word.  That the opening to a song, be it guitar, piano, or voice, can pull me back to certain moments and memories in my life, can connect me to people, places, things in a second.  

I am, in no way, a music buff.  But I do like music, and for a year now have held a special, large place in my heart for Deb Talan and Steve Tannen, the husband/wife duo known as The Weepies.  I remember randomly visiting their myspace while I was dog-sitting last summer, falling in love with "World Spins Madly On" from their album Say I am You.  To date, it has made 126 appearances on my iTunes (not counting how often it blares through my headphones or my car speakers via iPod).

I love that it is the background song to my most girlie of moments, namely:

1.) Afternoons at Barnes & Noble, reading through Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist and, in spite of myself, finding much truth about being a Christian/woman/human being.

2.) A beautiful road trip to Ohio for Elise and Austin's wedding.  I listened to it all the way to High Point, NC, then all the way to Ohio, then all the way down to Indianapolis.  When I listen to the song, my mind always sees mountains.  I like that.

3.) It is intricately connected with my adoration for The Jane Austen Book Club.  Though I've never read the book, I listened to some of it on CD on that some road trip.  Since then, I've seen the movie, and now can't seem to watch it without thinking of The Weepies.

4.) This same song plays during a scene in Friends with Money.  I love this movie.  I have no idea why.  Catherine Keener just shines, though, and there is a certain heaviness that accompanies this script, depicting the lives of four women in an eerily realistic light.  I often watch it when I'm depressed, a necessary escape that leaves me grateful for what I have.

There are, of course, many more moments, too many to remember, to know.  I'm just glad for the few that I can count, and for words that keep me company during some of my brightest and darkest hours.

When I Ache

When I ache my heart tightens, my eyes squint, and I try my hardest not to cry.

Rarely am I successful.

Though it was a little over seven months that I stepped off a plane at London Gatwick Airport, I feel as if it was just yesterday.  And though it's been over four months since I stepped off a plane at the Hartsfield-Jackson Airport in Atlanta, I have yet to forget what happened during the three months I was gone.

I'd like to say that I can forget, that I can compartmentalize all my feelings and emotions and pretend that even though life sucks I'm still okay.  But that's a lie.  I feel too much, I think far too much, and those feelings are now a part of my makeup.  Sigh.

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't so intentional, that I would stop slipping letters into envelopes and licking the flap shut, or typing paragraph upon paragraph before hitting send, or clicking a name and face that pops up in facebook chat and saying, "Hi."  I tell Alasdair that I get weepy every time someone from L'Abri sends me something.  He tells me that's because I love everyone so much.

And I do.

My family is scattered across cities, states, and countries.  We'll never all be together again and I can't help wallowing over this realization.  Daily.  Sigh.